Wearing: sportsgirl jacket & tshirt, witchery leather leggings, alexander wang heels & bag.

Something happens, a shift, an awakening. I feel like these moments are all about growing and changing. I don’t think I can ever be the person I want to be in a year. I have too many complexes for that kind of drastic change. One thing I have grown to despise is this constant need to consume to fill a hole that is never filled.

I lost my grandmother over a year ago to suicide. I felt nothing but guilt, pain, anger and sadness. And all those feelings have manifested themselves into this here blog, to be exact. I started this tumblr because it was something to take my mind off what was happening, but it grew as a part of this new messed up personality of mine.

As much as I love fashion week this, YSL that, AW bag and the best nail colour - I feel like I have snapped out of the grief and have finally woken up. Suddenly, I felt vapid, narcissistic and shallow. The female embodiment of Patrick Bateman without the cocaine, hookers and murder. For me, I don’t get satisfaction from having THINGS, anymore.

I’m happy with what I have. I learned that this isn’t my life. This is just a (sparkly) hobby. I get the greatest satisfaction over experiences, events, happiness, sadness, fuck ups (maybe not…), awesome food and good friends. These are the moments I will remember on my deathbed, that will make me realise I lived a rich life. The richest man is the one with the satisfied mind.

Oh yeah, and today I am wearing this.

xxx